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Joke of the Day

"There's a reason why ""sober"" and ""so bored"" sound almost exactly the same."

"Why did the vibrator go to the bar? To catch a buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

"If you're ever cold, stand in a corner. It's always ninety degrees"

"What do you call a journalist in Russia? An ambulance."

"What does Paul Atreides do when he wants the last glass of water? He calls Muad'Dibs on it"

"When my mum was in labour.... When my mum was in labour, my head got stuck in her fanny and the midwife had to pull me out. That's how excited I was to see my little brother."

"I had a pretty confused childhood because I thought obituaries are actually advertisements selling dead people."

"'The victim was beaten with a porcelain angel figurine, suspect confirmed to be an Irishman' 'I guess you could say he was Knick-Knack Paddy Whacked.'"

"What's green and sits on the porch? Paddy O'Furniture. Happy St. Patrick's Day!"

"And how would you like that cooked? ""I like my steak like I like my Pokemon... Rare"""