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Joke of the Day

"Don't ever leave a bag of mini Heath bars at your desk to prove you can't be tempted.... Because Satan's game is strong"

"What do you call a prostitute with her hands up her own skirt? Self Employed"

"True Story, When I was a kid, my parents would always say ""Excuse my French"" just after a swear word. I'll never forget that first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French."

"I dont always roll a joint... But when I do its my ankle."

"A world without women would be a pain in the ass."

"Why do Jews always seem to find spare change laying around? They cents it."

"I put suicide notes next to roadkill so their animal families have some closure"

"There's no such thing as an automatic door. Just gentlemen ninjas."

"What did the left bum check say to the right bum check? He said ""If we stick together, we can stop this shit."""

"i'm really good at practicing how to pronounce something on a fancy menu for 10 minutes, then cracking under pressure and saying ""that one."""