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Joke of the Day

"i'm really good at practicing how to pronounce something on a fancy menu for 10 minutes, then cracking under pressure and saying ""that one."""

"I use so many age defying crinkle creams that I don't have finger prints anymore."

"Sacred cows make the best hamburgers. "

"""Please punch in your account number, phone number and the last four digits of your social security, so I can transfer you so they can ask you for those same numbers again!"""

"Don't go to zombie nightclubs... They're always dead."

"I always wondered why a Frisbee looks like it gets bigger & bigger the closer it comes to you.. and then it hit me."

"Uh oh. My car's GPS asked me, ""Who's Siri?"""

"Why do Jews have big noses? Because the air is free :)"

"Sports Authority must be a publisher now... ..All I hear now are discussions about Chapter 7 and Chapter 11!"

"My Mexican teacher asked for a 2 page essay, he wasn't happy when I brought him Juan. Thought this up in the car and thought the nice people of the Internet would want to know :)"