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Joke of the Day

"Never ask a shepherd how many sheep he owns, I don't think he'd know, he probably falls asleep every time he takes inventory."

"Chemist have an unpopular view on alcohol... They say it's a solution."

"Are you celebrating Chinese New Year, gurrrl? Cuz I'd like to go home from the baa and ram ewe."

"TIFU by picking up a dead bee. It wasn't. Now my thumb hurts."

"If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke."

"When Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive Spiderman, he became... Spidermanman."

"What's the opposite of the constitution? The prostitution."

"Me: Let's have a fight with that guy you like Brain: That's not a good idea, he might actually like y... Me: GOOD IDEA! WE ATTACK AT DAWN!"

"Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous You're practically begging for typos."

"If television has taught me anything, it's that I can totally outrun an explosion."