73048

Joke of the Day

"Now with all the kids outside, playing Pokemon..... Dads and moms can stay inside playing Pokemom."

"Who does Christopher Reeve wish he could be? Christopher Walken"

"I would tell you a pizza joke... I would tell you a pizza joke but that would be too cheesy. Funny no?"

"I stepped on a nail the other day I was going to avoid it but I didn't see the point"

"How do birds record their songs ? On duck tape !"

"The time for being a smartass isn't when someone is in a murderous rage. There's a discreet unmarked grave out there that'll attest to that."

"My love life is like my video game I always play single player, and I can never find anyone who wants to play co-op"

"Candidate, with lisp, interviews for executive position at Citibank Interviewers: ""Alan, where do you see yourself ten years from now?"" Alan: ""Running shitty bank."""

"I don't think I could be a mom. Listening to another person cry all night just seems awful & I wouldn't want to impose that on a baby."

"If you have an Oculus Rift... Then you're Luckey."