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Joke of the Day
"What do bees and celebrities have in common? They're both dying at an alarming rate."
Next Joke
"One-percenters and Jimmy Swaggart One-percenters' relationship with politicians is like Jimmy Swaggart's with prostitutes. They pay lots of money to see other people get fucked."
"Why is 7 in front of 9 Q: why is 7 in front of 9 A: Because 7 8 9"
"Man asks blonde for coffee without cream. Blonde replies: ""We're out of cream. Would you prefer coffee without milk instead?"""
"I haven't talked to a single member of my family since the great monopoly battle of '06. So yea, I know a thing or 2 about holding a grudge."
"What did George Takei say to the attractive Frenchman on waterskis? Eau myyyyyyyy...."
"My big next door neighbour just confronted me about missing items from his washing line. I nearly shit his pants"
"Snakes are terrifying because they can't trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power."
"[shines flashlight under chin] In my day, kids ate gluten and rode bikes without helmets and OPEN LETTERS DIDN'T EXIST [children scream]"
"The rotation of the earth. It really makes my day."