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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cow... With three legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? That's right! Ground beef. What do you call a cow with two legs? .... YOUR MOM."

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"Emperor: Luke, kill Vader and become my apprentice. Vader: But why? I've been loyal. Emperor: Have you ever listened to yourself breathe?"
"How would you describe your past work? [Cut to me picking up coins off sidewalks and taking them to CoinStar] -Change management."
"Why did the bodybuilder buy a dictionary? Because he wanted to get more definition."
"MISSING: 5 year old LAST SEEN: Moments after I said, ""Bath time."" DESCRIPTION: Naked, sporting 20-23 Spider-Man band-aids"
"What do you call an Englishman in the World Cup final? The referee"
"[Rogue One Spoilers] What is the empire's favorite kind of font? Sans Scarif"
"My girlfriend isn't talking to me because apparently I ""ruined"" her birthday... ..I'm not sure how that's possible, I didn't even know it was her fucking birthday."
"Her cooking is so bad, it would make medicine sick!"
"Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please ? Pupil: There it is Teacher: Now Louise who discovered Australia ? Pupil: Fred did !"
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