72514

Joke of the Day

"get away from the tree Dad: get away from that tree son! Son: why dad? Dad: it looks shady"

"Everyone in LA is so hot and I am so not that when I walk into places they think I'm a dog and they give me treats & water never been better"

"On the way in a fox ran across the road ahead of me...I slowed down pretty quick cuz i knew a bunch of English dudes on horses were next..."

"What did the record holder for the world's longest coma get? A trophy"

"I was given the ultimatum 3 weeks ago. She said ""it's me or your fishing."" Gee I miss her."

"What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquitos stops sucking after you fucking slap it"

"Johnny and Ruth are mountain biking down a hill... ...Ruth hits a tree. Johnny continues, ruthlessly."

"I felt a twinge of sadness when I released my daughter would be leaving for college in a year. I have to wait a whole fucking year"

"Why don't lobsters share? Because they're shellfish..."

"Why was it so hot in the stadium after the game? Because all the fans left"