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Joke of the Day

"My relationship is complex because I am real but my S.O. is imaginary"

"It's so cold that I have to take half a Viagra so I won't pee on my shoes."

"This earthquake was the first time that I've ever said, ""it was 4.7, but felt bigger."""

"If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror-movie. After a while it won't feel like you are alone anymore..."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to screw in the light bulb, two to make a documentary about it."

"How many Redditors does it take to change a light bulb? 1000 One to change it and 999 to walk into the same room and change the same light bulb without checking to see if it needed changing first."

"There's no recipe in this world that raisins can't ruin."

"All I did was walk by an Abercrombie and Fitch and now my name is Trent, my shirt is off, and I'm really into shell necklaces."

"Is it possible for God to be a Cheeto Puffed? Because these taste pretty fucking great. EDIT: I'm getting downvoted but figure this is the reddit algorithm! cheeky cunts"

"Enjoy dogs while you can. One day they're going to evolve opposable thumbs and open all of our cupboards and shit"