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Joke of the Day

"My relationship is complex because I am real but my S.O. is imaginary"

"Never date a chemist, they seduce you with their magnetism, only call you periodically, then one day: Boom! They Argon."

"please spread kale over my dumb organic gluten free casket"

"He called me ugly.... I called him an ambulance."

"My wife keeps 72 half-empty bottles of stuff in the shower. And if I even look at them, they all throw themselves on the floor."

"How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25? Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20."

"I went to the shops to get eight cans of sprite. But when i was walking back i realized Id only picked 7 up"

"A mobster walks into a bar, but then he turns around and walks out. Because he realized it was a set-up."

"What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set ? A boa constructor !"

"What is McDonald's demolition service called? Quarter pounder."