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Joke of the Day

"I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold."

"""R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to pee"" - Urethra Franklin"

"Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work."

"A ball boy has been sacked from the world cup after saying to Wayne Rooney, ""You can fuck off if you think I'm going looking for that one. """

"How did I get out of Iraq? Iran"

"I think there's a better word for underwear... ... Butt hat's none of my business."

"Mary had a little lamb. She's not a vegan anymore."

"My wife's a magician. She can turn anything into an argument."

".@rickygervais Ricky, if you can get Twitter to verify me, you will be the first atheist allowed into heaven."

"I once heard from Stalin that dark humor is like food... Not everybody gets it."