156918

Joke of the Day

".@rickygervais Ricky, if you can get Twitter to verify me, you will be the first atheist allowed into heaven."

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile (Im going to fucking hell. I shouldnt have laughed at this so hard.)"

"Did you hear it's 'National Pretzel Day' in America today? Just making sure everyone knows it's knot bread... (thankyou Simpsons)"

"A man goes into a library and asks for a book on euthanasia. The librarian says, ""I'll do my best to assist you""."

"When ever My wife is cooking, I like to walk up behind her, slowly stroke her hair and whisper into her ear... ""Let's order a pizza."""

"It's ok Apple users, I just woke up and found a surprise Nickelback album on my BlackBerry."

"How do you post a fish? You send it COD ... or first bass mail"

"If you can go to the gym without telling people on the Internet, you are instantly hired by the CIA."

"What I say: I'm on a diet. What my mom hears: please cook delicious food and buy chocolate."

"What's the gayest way to die? Prince died from the flu ... Theraflu?"