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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time, But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity"

"The person who creates Taco Bell's menu must be the biggest pothead of all time."

"New law restricts lobbyists to the lobby. Citizen victory! Writing laws a bit less convenient! The lobby lobby, however, has won the day."

"Why does Peter Pan always fly? He Neverlands. I really love this joke because it never grows old! [=)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82ANkjVEpYk)"

"Patients get nervous when I walk into surgery wearing my lucky cape but I didn't go to medical school so I need all the luck I can get."

"Damn girl are you a slide in the ghetto? Because I seriously regret going down on you."

"Nostalgia Sure isn't what it used to be."

"Abortion - it really brings out the child in you. Anyone got any similar puns? Also: - 9/11 jokes are just plane rude."

"Twitter's ""suggestions for you"" should include the basics, too, like ""get more sleep"" and ""have you responded to that email from your mom?"""

"An 11-year-old student of mine just told me this. What do you call a singing computer? Adele."