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Joke of the Day

"I like to ask the waiter, ""What do you recommend?"" then stare at him angrily while I order something completely different."

"You're leaving Twitter? For good? That's too bad. We'll miss you. See you next week!"

"To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run!"

"Watching a cooking show when ""We believe this was the last dish they served on the Titanic on that fateful day"" I bet that went down well."

"What do you call it when the girl you like likes you back? Imagination"

"When Miley Cyrus licks a sledgehammer naked, it's art. When I do it, I'm drunk and told to leave Home Depot."

"How do you stop a baby from crawling round in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor."

"Ego and Super-Ego walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""I'm going to need to see some Id."""

"The key to wrapping presents is to think outside the box."

"So a woman walks out of the kitchen... ..."