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Joke of the Day
"What is blurrier the more you squint? Everything."
Next Joke
"I don't understand why people say ""Oh it's just walking distance away"" Everything is walking distance if you have the time."
"I think it's funny how I can sleep right through my blaring alarm clock but I'll wake up to the slightest phantom vibrations from my phone."
"What did the constipated mathematician do? He worked his problems out with a pencil and paper."
"I had sex with this girl for 1 hour and 45 seconds last night.... Thanks daylight savings."
"What do you get if you cross a telephone with a fat football player? A wide receiver."
"The worst part about being homeschooled is getting bullied."
"You can't spell Chipotle without E. Coli"
"Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactoes"
"If the State of the Union is really ""the best it's ever been"" Why do we ""need"" dozens of new government programs to fix it!"