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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: Shouldn't you be at work? ME: I took care of it. BOSS: [to the cardboard cutout of Shaq with my face glued on it] Nice work today."

"Why should you never shout at a pirate? Because it hurts their buccaneers. (Sorry it's lame, I just made it up)"

"I'm dating a supermodel with hemiparesis. She's not half-bad."

"I hear Donald Trump is going to ban cans of parmesan cheese... ..he's going to make America grate again."

"Did you hear about the perverted statistician? Standard deviation wasn't enough for him anymore..."

"There's lots of reasons to shave your pubic hair as a man... Because it was longer than my dick is apparently not as popular of a reason as I thought."

"Q: Can I ask you two questions? A: Ok, what's the second one?"

"What idiot called it a tree trimmer instead of a branch manager?"

"How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A Brazillian."

"Q. What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A. A rebel without a clue!"