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Joke of the Day

"The other day I got pulled over, and when the cop walked up I pulled out my 9mm Once he stopped laughing he wrote me up for indecent exposure"

"Women! They assume everything but the position."

"My New Girlfriend Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Google asks where I am. The internet has turned into my girlfriend."

"Asian drivers are so bad that some speculate that Pearl Harbor might have been an accident"

"If anyone needs me, I'll be spending the rest of my life under this bathroom light that gives my abs a hint of definition."

"I wanna Die peaceful in my sleep just my like my Grandpah! Unlike the passengers in his car..."

"Why did the little girl eat her money for lunch? Because her mom gave her money for lunch. 8 year old sister told me this joke, gave me a good laugh."

"""I like the way you move!"" -Jealous inanimate object"

"Despite all the wars Thailand has been in... They still have been doing a Bangkok job as a country."

"I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon. -Emo Philips"