71968

Joke of the Day

"A patient said to a psychiatrist, ""I keep wanting to cover myself in gold paint."" The psychiatrist said, ""Sounds like you have a gilt complex."""

"I want to tell the sun to stop being so self-centered But the world does revolve around him"

"On earth: A magician puts his hand in his hat. In the rabbit realm: The Hand emerges. It is time. The rabit council must choose another sacrifice."

"TIFU by mis-targeting my torpedo Whoops, wrong sub."

"I named my WiFi after my last girlfriend because it's never fully connected with me. And also because I caught my neighbour using it."

"If you love someone... Bury them in your backyard so no one can find them. Then you'll have them FOREVER! *looks out window & smiles*"

"Why are baby cows considered lunch meat? Because calves are below-knee"

"Guns don't kill people... Husbands that come home early from work do."

"If I had a dollar for every girl that turned me down... They wouldn't turn me down anymore."

"Asked my dad if he heard about the head tranplant on the news. He said, ""No, but it sounds like it's way ahead of it's time."""