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Joke of the Day

"A man spread his late wife's ashes on the lawn... ...so he could still cut her at least once a week."

"Why doesn't ISIS Like School? Because they always bombed their tests."

"According to the employee handbook, I only require to show up sober. It doesn't say I can't drink once I get here."

"Why do I wash my clothes in TIDE? ... because it's too cold out-tide."

"What rhymes with freedom? Oil"

"""Dad, am I adopted?"" ""No. We haven't found anybody who wants you yet."""

"Do you know what happened in the bathroom? Me either, but I heard a lot of shit going down."

"As far as I'm concerned, anyone who suggests I should have a third child is committing a hate crime."

"Anytime there's food in front of my face I always eat it even if I'm not hungry. That's why I could never be a gynecologist."

"I was in a cafe the other day when I overheard this: ""Can you please stop listening to our conversation?"""