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Joke of the Day

"What do you say to a giraffe? ""Hi, Asshole!"" (Made that up myself, I did.)"

"You know what I love about having kids? Not having them."

"[commercial for soup] Have you ever wanted to eat regular food only with water poured all over it? NARRATOR: SOUP"

"Why aren't burgers the least bit scared of Halloween? They're used to people 'goblin' them!"

"I'm glad to see Reddit is so environmentally friendly! Especially /r/jokes. They are full of recycled content!"

"I asked a cute statistician if I could get her phone number. She said probably not."

"Does your face hurt? Well it's killing me."

"A man calls in to work sick on a Friday His boss asks him, ""Why what's wrong with you?"" He replies, ""its my eyes boss... I just can't see my ass coming in to work today."""

"What would you tell someone who is attempting to steal your cheese (hint: not ""nacho cheese"")? Leave my provolone!"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent."