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Joke of the Day

"Where is the best place to hide a dead body? A cemetery"

"The worst thing about life is getting comfortable and then realizing that you don't have the remote."

"I am extremely offended by the song ""God is Dead"" by Black Sabbath. How can Ozzy Osbourne possibly sing that? ...when Tony Iommi is standing right next to him, alive and well."

"Someone sent me some wood, nails, a saw and a hammer in the post I don't know what to make of it"

"I wish I'd get as emotional about politics as I do about a chip breaking off in the dip."

"At the men's bathroom of the local college... ... above the toilet paper dispenser was a piece of graffiti: ""Liberal Arts Degrees. Take One."""

"I was casually swimming with a great white shark today. Until he bit my whole arm off."

"My kids operate the house under the HYDRA principle For every light I turn off, three more get turned on to take their place."

"Why did the pro football player from the last-place team drop pieces of hamburger into his soup? He wanted to know how it felt to take part in a Soup-er Bowl!"

"My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died really... She was attacked by a giant crab."