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Joke of the Day

"You're a loose cannon, Detective. Hand in your badge. AND your gun. AND your badge that is actually a gun. AND your gun that shoots badges."

"I was gonna tell a pizza joke, but it's too cheesy."

"how much does it take for two octopi to laugh? 16 tickles because not asking for insurance is insane in the US, sorry to go out on a limb..."

"*throws caution to the wind* *blows right back into face*"

"Is the bakery hiring? Cause I think I'll knead a little bit of dough to get by."

"Officer- I'm giving you a ticket for your speed Me- That's heroin Officer-... Me- Want some? Officer-... Me- Oooh, shiny handcuffs"

"Opposites? What is the difference between light and hard? If a man tries long enough, he can sleep with a light on..."

"January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, Cucumber..."

"Maglev train hits 310mph in Japan. Critics say it has barely left the ground."

"Sometimes there's a huge disaster and lots of people die but it's ok because no celebrities got divorced."