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Joke of the Day

"Monica Lewinsky turns 39!! They grow up so fast...seems like yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees puting everything in her mouth!!!"

"Why can't you tell jokes to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things, literally."

"*requests Uber* *climbs in backseat* Uber driver: ""Where to?"" Me: ""oh, nowhere. I just don't like to change my diaper in the street."""

"What does a cannibal eat with cheese? Pickled organs."

"What do you call a kid with no arms or legs at the front door? Matt."

"How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. She just holds it in place, while the world revolves around her. * Beverly Hills ninja edit... rotates to revolves"

"What do you get when you put semen in a bat? Abasement."

"I'm an Easter egg in the streets and a deviled egg in the sheets."

"Earlier today, I made up a joke to tell you guys, but um... tsh."

"yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 seconds."