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Joke of the Day

"How do you figure out that your girlfriend is getting too fat? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes."

"I love long romantic walks to the fridge. That's how I maintain my curves "

"(._.) ( I: ) (.-.) ( :I ) (._.) They see me rollin', they hatin'"

"Avoid confrontations in the work place by slashing your coworker's tires while they sleep."

"My roommates are concerned that I'm using all their kitchen utensils.. but that's a whisk i'm willing to take."

"What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? aye maighty"

"If Trump is elected President It won't be the first time he has kicked a black family out of their house."

"A physicist notices a man about to jump of a really tall building, he yells: DONT JUMP YOU HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL"

"Things were going well with my date, until she noticed my Roomba was a Frisbee glued to a bunch of rats"

"Looks like coke Tastes like coke, smells like AHHHHWHATAMIDOINGWITHMYLIFE"