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Joke of the Day

"Broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb twice before she got a hint."

"If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson what song would you get? ""Beeflt!"""

"College: Now that you're making tons of money with your degree, please donate back to us every year Me: lol College: lol ikr?"

"Arnold Schwarzenegger has been talking about Carly Fiorina for years: ""Carly Fiorina needs water,"" ""Carly Fiorina is a great state,"" blah blah blah."

"KiK? Nope. I only joke about divorce. I'm not committed to it actually happening."

"How to end an interview: 1. Thank them for their time. 2. Shake their hand firmly. 3. Firmer. 4. Firmer yet. 5. BREAK HIS HAND YOU MUST WIN"

"Boss rushes frantically into manager's office... ""Hey, have you been screwing my assistant?"" ""No!"" ""Great! Then YOU fire her."""

"[finally rich enough to go to a tailor] ""How can I help you sir?"" One clothes please!"

"What did one pedophile say to the other? I'll give you two fives for a ten."

"If you really want to fuck a vampire.. then i'd say you're down for the count"