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Joke of the Day

"How to end an interview: 1. Thank them for their time. 2. Shake their hand firmly. 3. Firmer. 4. Firmer yet. 5. BREAK HIS HAND YOU MUST WIN"

"I didn't want to make a scene but not fluffing my wife's pillows should get the point across that I don't appreciate the way she spoke to me"

"If I had a dollar for every girl that turned me down... They wouldn't turn me down anymore."

"Why do southern girls get pregnant so much more than northern girls? Because it takes them so much longer to say ""Kaaa-WIT!"""

"Know why I pulled you over? ""No sir"" 1987, 7-11 on Main, you paid for Coke but filled your cup with Slurpee. We gotcha. We finally gotcha"

"How did our grandparents killed time when there were no Smartphones and Internet? I already asked my mom, her four sisters and five brothers."

"What does your momma and a hockey player have in common? They both change their pads after three periods."

"costumed new york mayor Rumor has it that for Halloween New York Mayor DeBlasio will be walking around on his knees and going as Mayor Bloomberg"

"Have you heard the new yoga joke? It's kind of a stretch..."

"My ""snooze"" button should just be called the ""nope, no yoga today"" button."