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Joke of the Day

"Why do we call it politics? Because poly means many and ticks mean blood-sucking parasites."

"God: okay I need to create something to fill the dark empty void in the meaningless lives of unmotivated people [creates Twitter]"

"That outfit is very becoming on you Then again, if I was on you, I would be cumming, too."

"What do cows like to listen to? Moo-sic!"

"Why is it called extra virgin olive oil? Because they grow the olives inside, away from the birds and the bees."

"The best way to tell if a movie character is depressed is if there are a bunch of open chinese food containers sitting around"

"Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? 'Cause they all have phones!"

"What killed the Aztec? A broken heart."

"Happy Valentines! A little early I know, but l suffer from premature congratulation"

"What do you call an angry pirate? P-irate"