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Joke of the Day
"Ladies, the word for the day is ""legs."" Spread the word."
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"[christmas lights are being put up] Every moth ever: oh hell yeah"
"I was gonna make a gay joke... Butt fuck it"
"It still amazes me that you need a license to catch a fish but any asshole can be a parent."
"[creating humans] GOD: Make them imperfect... ANGEL: Okay...done... GOD: Now make them apologize to Me all the time for being imperfect."
"What did the Muslim Sonic say? Gotta go fast."
"*boss stops meeting* Mike, is there something you'ld like to share with the whole group? Me: Nooooo, that's why I whispered it to Alan."
"The latest research shows that... Research is pointless."
"Ask me if I have a banana in my ear. Do you have a banana in your ear? I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear."
"If the opposite of PRO is CON, then what is the opposite of progress"