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Joke of the Day

"[creating humans] GOD: Make them imperfect... ANGEL: Okay...done... GOD: Now make them apologize to Me all the time for being imperfect."

"Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot."

"What is the dumbest animal in the jungle? A polar bear"

"What is a large group of Sperm Whales called? Semen"

"Me: Most of all, remember to be kind to yourself. You deserve it. Neighbor: If you don't stay out of my heating duct I'm calling the cops."

"Never hold in a fart... they go to your head, and that's where shitty ideas come from."

"If attacked by a mob of clowns... Go for the juggler."

"Oh, Obama's credit card was declined? Michelle must have called the bank and told them she was tired of her husband always ""going Dutch."""

"What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist"

"How about an app that keeps track of every working automatic paper towel dispenser in the world? All seven or eight of them."