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Joke of the Day

"A new TV program to be filmed about asylum seekers in the UK... The Great British Fuck Off starts next week."

"If you tell me to ""chillax,"" I will ""chillstab"" you and ""chillaugh"" while you bleed to ""chilldeath."""

"Why can't women play sports They can't wear the same clothes as 11 other women"

"*Hires life coach* ""Ok, the first thing we have to do is get you off this couch and get you moving!"" *Fires life coach*"

"A gymnast walks into a bar. He gets a two point deduction and ruins his chances of getting a medal."

"I'd never be on a reality show, but only because I wouldn't want my mom to see the faces I make when I'm talking to her on the phone."

"What do magistrates have with their water? Just ice."

"Confusious say, when one man fishes in another man's well... ...he is likely to catch crabs."

"Jesus was nailed to the cross. He said ""Peter, come forth"". Peter walks up, Jesus waves his hand and he is healed. Next he says ""Mary, come forth"" But Mary came fifth and won a toaster."

"What is the poorest tree in the forest? The burr-oak tree."