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Joke of the Day

"Why do the ladies love Jesus so much? Because he comes twice and he was hung like this: (spread your arms like you're on the cross)"

"If you're going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10, don't be open."

"Will a rabbi charge a lot for circumcisions? No. He just keeps the tips."

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because I hadn't masturbated for a month. Seriously, when I ejaculated it was six feet. Which was unusual, as usually it's cum. Strange day."

"mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that"

"I remember back in the day when you had to roll up a tiny scroll and give it to a falcon to tweet"

"I've been reading a book about anti-gravity. Man, I just can't put this thing down."

"My friend tried to get me with bird puns today... I told him toucan play that game."

"Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that's how I feel today."

"Have you ever been camping with a guy who has uncontrollable diarrhea? Shit's intense."