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Joke of the Day

"Every time I see the headline 'tragedy on film set' I think oh god m knight shymalan is making another goddamn movie"

"i don't see why i have to clean the shower. imo it is the shower's job to clean me"

"Survivor would be a cooler show if only one contestant remained alive at the end of the season and that was the prize."

"Girls who say ""I don't care what anyone thinks about me"" sure spend a lot of time untagging themselves out of unflattering pics on Facebook."

"Annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there's always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time"

"Every one knows about Elvis Everyone knows about Elvis the Pelvis. Less is known about his brother Inis."

"What's the opposite of Cristopher Walken... Cristopher reeve."

"What does the first lady say after bad sex? Thanks Obama."

"A woman recently tried to flirt with me using a electric mixer. She said she was going to whisk me away."

"""haha one time we turned a cpr training dummy into a bong"" yes doctor but how is our son *leans in close* ""you had to light its weiner"""