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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade? I can't marmalade my dick up your ass."

"if you watch the titanic backwards hundreds of disgusting sea zombies come together as a community and rebuild an old ship"

"A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff.. Bahh, dum, hiss"

"""Give it to me!"" My girlfriend screamed. ""I'm so fucking wet right now!"" She could shout all she wanted. I wasn't handing over my umbrella."

"Can you write off a divorce as a home improvement expense"

"just ordered so much food the delivery guy gave me four sets of utensils but it's okay I still love myself"

"22 year old me after a night of drinking: ""I hope I didn't do anything stupid."" 29 year old me: ""I hope I didn't agree to go on a hike."""

"How British is Adele ? She would call you at least 1000 times to tell how sorry she is ."

"So I was at a book store the other day and I saw a Vietnamese cookbook... It was called ""How to Wok Your Dog""."

"I tried 12 times to fit this joke in the 140 character limit, and I think I've finally done it. A caterpillar walks into a bar and says, ""Wh"