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Joke of the Day

"""Give it to me!"" My girlfriend screamed. ""I'm so fucking wet right now!"" She could shout all she wanted. I wasn't handing over my umbrella."

"I want a rich person to hire me to float around in their pool and feed me bread I want to be a wealthy person's duck"

"Why didn't the Christmas Cake go to the dance? He had his raisins..."

"What is a North Korean's favorite school subject? Kimistry"

"Man walks in on his son A man walks in on his son masturbating, and gets really mad ""Hey, save that for when you are older!"" By the time the kid was 18, he had three jars full."

"A sitar solo so complex and mind melting that the one guy who knows what a sitar is claps"

"GOD: look what I created [points to clouds] ANGEL: what am I lookin at? GOD: Is it a bunny? A man face? It's up to you! ANGEL: are you high?"

"What kind of pants does Mario wear? Denim denim denim (Say it to the tune of the Mario pipe noise)"

"What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son Tom? If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy?"

"Hey baby did it hurt when you fell from heaven?-How to pick up Satan"