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Joke of the Day

"My mate Dave has changed a lot since his time in prison For a start he's not half as tight as he used to be."

Next Joke
 
"The ultimate catch-22. My boss said I need to improve my work ethic. I told him I'd work on it."
"A boy asks his father The difference between up and down. His Father says 'You don't have up syndrome'."
"How do you crack a joke on r/Jokes? ctrl+v."
"Why does Marshawn Lynch sit in the back at the Kid's Choice awards? He's just there so he won't get slimed."
"The ironic but 'real' dangers of immunisations Kid immunised for measles. The next day he dies from the shot."
"Jesus: One among you will betray me. John: No way dude. Matthew: No way dude. Judas: *thumbing through designer cross catalogue* Plausible."
"No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn't figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn't her grandmother"
"I saw a sign that said ""watch for children"". and I thought, ""That sounds like a fair trade"""
"What do you call a silent kebab? A shh-kebab"