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Joke of the Day

"Christopher Columbus: discovered nothing, kidnapped, enslaved & murdered natives & gets a national holiday honoring him? Well played, sir."

"When those Subway ""$5 Footlong"" commercials come on, every man is quietly calculating how much his penis is worth."

"Why doesn't Santa have to pay for parking? Because it's on the house."

"Almost 7 billion people on the planet and I find about 12 of them somewhat tolerable once in a while."

"Girls. Don't get upset if your twitter crush stars a really hot girl or even retweets her cause she is prolly really a dude. Stay calm."

"Did you hear the joke about the sewing machine? It'll leave you in stitches!"

"Don't commit suicide! It's illegal to destroy government property."

"I just assume everyone on my Christmas list has been naughty. Makes things simpler."

"I drank too much water I'm going to pee for it later."

"Did you hear about the bulimic bachelor party? The cake comes out of the girl."