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Joke of the Day

"I sure hope skinny jeans are still in fashion. After all the calories I consumed over the holidays that's what all my pants are now."

"Me: Gonna go see Gym. Friend: You mean go to the gym? Me: No, Gym is Geoff's brother."

"What is it with people who text and drive? I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them."

"What's Paul Walker's favorite energy drink??? N.O.S. too bad he can't handle the crash..."

"When does a joke stop being funny? When you repost it."

"Why are trombones the sexiest instruments in the orchestra? Because they can be played in seven positions and you have to oil the slide."

"I spend 90% of my time in Texas doing u-turns under highway overpasses trying to get somewhere I can see but can't drive to for some reason."

"Sorry I commented ""yikes"" on that pic of your baby you posted on facebook."

"Im excited to have Tubman on the twenty So we can use black people as currency again"

"69'd the wife then went to buy donuts after. The guy at the counter said he already knew what I wanted, so I asked how..... He said ""You had 'glazed' all over your face. """