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Joke of the Day

"Time to be creative. I'll give you the punchline, you give me the joke! A dresser without drawers."

"Never let them see how much they hurt you. Or the gun. Definitely don't let them see the gun."

"Having the option to erase and re-record after having to leave a voicemail is one of my favorite things about life."

"[Cat birthday party] *Cat opens gift from her husband* ""It's...an empty box."" *silence* ""Oh honey, I love it!"""

"What do you call a porcupine with no legs a pufferfish"

"Why Couldn't Hellen Keller Drive? Because she is a woman."

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire."

"Religion is like a penis It's perfectly acceptable to have one, but unacceptable to flaunt yours in public."

"What's the name of that German Video game with the polite gorilla? Danke Kong"

"My ex girlfriend had huge tits Ahh such good mammaries"