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Joke of the Day

"COP: Give back the money you stole ME: Already spent it COP: On what? ME: Karate lessons which [does vague swishes w/ hand] I did not attend"

"Did you hear about the Hunger Games character who got eaten alive in the Middle East? Poor Peeta..."

"Roses are red violets are take your clothes off"

"If your human doesn't feed you immediately, run in front of their feet and trip them up. ~Cats, apparently."

"""I have parrot-like reflexes."" ""Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?"" ""Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?"""

"I planted a whole garden full of bird seed this year and not one bird came up. I quit."

"What did the scarecrow say when the farmer asked him in for dinner? ""No thanks, I'm stuffed."""

"Why does Wall Street call Hillary ""Hillary Vuitton"" instead of ""Hillary Clinton"" ? Because they know she's in the bag ..."

"""Instead of a 58 year old woman, I wanna look like a 28 year old shiny iguana"" - Plastic Surgery"

"It is said the population of sheep in New Zealand is 60 Million. How did they stay awake to figure THAT one out?"