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Joke of the Day

"All day people keep mentioning the new 20 dollar bills I check my wallet everytime somebody mentions it and mine are all still Jackson."

"What happened to the Oklahoma Territories? I don't know but they're OK now."

"What's the difference between a condom and a coffin? Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going."

"if you walk up to a british policeman and play the benny hill music he legally has to chase you until you turn it off"

"im an exhausting person to be around but once you get to knnow me im actually a giant shithead with irredeemable mouth"

"This morning I read about that 14 year boy with a clock they thought was a bomb ...I just checked again and it's really blown up since then"

"So two penguins are sitting in a bathtub... And one says to the other, ""Can you pass the soap?"" and the other says, ""What do I look like, a typewriter?"""

"Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there."

"I didn't want to believe my flatmate was stealing from his job as highway maintenance ...but when I got home all the signs were there."

"Did you hear about the court ruling on the grammar Nazi who did the double-murder? He got a compound sentence."