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Joke of the Day

"A lady said I was catching up to... her in terms of age. I said she must be moving too fast."

"My financial advisor told me that I could catch up on my bills if I stopped buying so much pizza. We laughed and laughed. Then I fired him."

"Ian: It's done. Mafia boss: Did you go anywhere nice? I: What? MB: Like a restaurant. I: I killed him. MB: I said take him out! Oh god, Tim!"

"I rely on a little boy to tell me how I feel and boy, are my arms tired?"

"What does the government and pedophiles have in common? They defile private things."

"How do you make a woman drive in a circle? Take away her rights."

"Somebody keeps on putting topsoil on my allotment. The plot thickens..."

"There are 10 types of people in this world... ... those who can read binary those who can't and those who weren't expecting a ternary joke Edit: word"

"What do you call an intelligent Saudi Arabian woman? Target practice"

"When your girlfriend says ""I love you"" reply with ""I love you more!"" Because relationships are competitions that must be won."