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Joke of the Day

"spent the last 36 minutes yelling at this ugly little girl to get off my lawn before realizing it was my naked reflection in the window."

"Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants."

"What do you call a mexican who last his car? Juaquin."

"Nervous about speaking in front of a crowd of people? Imagine everyone is wearing an Ed Hardy shirt"

"Why does Stevie Wonder smile? Because he's better than you."

"69 I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."""

"According to my Ex, we only had 2 problems: 1. Me. 2. Not her."

"Wanna hear a joke?"

"BEAR JUDGE: Counsel, this is your last warning, you cannot-- LAWYER: *plays dead* BEAR JUDGE: Where did he go"

"Netflix would be by far the best dating site. ""Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Pokemon for 12 straight hrs"""