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Joke of the Day

"Girls are like puppies. If you don't take them out enough, they'll poop on your rug. SERIOUSLY ASHLEY ON MY RUG??"

"What do you call lesbian eskimos? Klondykes"

"Working for Kotex would actually be a logical way to pad your resume."

"Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven't pissed in 8 hrs"

"I don't know how to spell Armaggedon But who cares - it's not the end of the world!"

"Johnny Depp would have made an excellent Catwoman."

"Drunk me used to set a ""Mystery Alarm"" on my phone to pop up and confuse daytime sober me"

"Where do men with erectile dysfunction go to find a job? Ubisoft"

"How do you jump out of a fifteen-floors building without getting hurt? You jump from the 1st one."

"If you pronounce coupon like qpon I hope you get eaten by a qgar"