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Joke of the Day
"How do you jump out of a fifteen-floors building without getting hurt? You jump from the 1st one."
Next Joke
"*yawning at an art museum* ""I already saw that on Tumblr."""
"What car is it best to grow grass on? K-K-K-Kia"
"If I was gonna kill myself, I'd fly a helicopter into the sun. It'd be badass. Babes would weep for the carnal possibilities they missed."
"What does your s*** smell like? Freedom."
"My insomnia has it's own toothbrush in my bathroom."
"Wife: y is a penguin w an umbrella in the- Me:*points to dog dressed as batman* so Bark Wayne isnt bored W: M: he needs an arch enemy, Karen"
"The first rule of tautology club... Is the first rule of tautology club."
"A new survey shows that 90% of men masturbate in the shower, the other 10% sing. Know what they sing? Yeah, me neither."
"*goes to bathroom *takes out phone *opens Twitter *finishes *pulls pants up *flushes *forgets to poop"