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Joke of the Day

"Wanna live a long life? Get married. I guarantee you'll change your mind real quick."

"What do Jaqen H'ghar from Game of Thrones and Christina Aguilera have in common? They both know ""what a girl wants"" and ""what a girl needs""."

"Why did the billionaire philanthropist spend his fortune bringing butter production to developing countries? Some men just want to see the world churn."

"[1st day as judge] Murderer: [waves at me] Me [waves back]: He seems nice Lawyer: He killed six people Me: He probably didn't mean it"

"Q: Why do Chinese noodles make the best lovers?? A: Because they are 'Lo Mein-tenance' and they don't won a ton of attention. ...but then again, Italian noodles have great Penne-tration..."

"Why did the mathematician bring home 24 eggs from the grocery store? Because when he asked his wife how many eggs to buy, she said 4!"

"I have a new word for vibrator ... selfie stick"

"What Time Did Sean Connery Arrive at Wimbledon? Tennish"

"The 2016 US Presidential Election That's it. That's the entire fucking joke. Edit: Woke up to hundreds of messages and FP status. Damn. Thanks, folks! And thanks for the gold!"

"CIVIL ENGINEER: ok let's build stuff. UNCIVIL ENGINEER: *smashes popsicle stick bridge*"