69468

Joke of the Day

"What's the hardest part of burning a church? My dick."

"Did you hear what happened to the private who got caught sleeping with his drill instructor's Chlamydia infected wife? He got an oily discharge."

"So I just watched a documentary about a blind magician porn star... He was a master of missed erections."

"Johnny Depp would have made an excellent Catwoman."

"Got Christmas card glitter all over me and now I can't stop stripping."

"Why did Chris Christie cross the road? Because chicken is fucking delicious!"

"I'm at my most Ninja Turtle when I remove a manhole cover & jump into the sewers to avoid making eye contact with someone I know in public."

"[yelling to the person i'm dancing with at the club] I HAVE SLEEP APNEA"

"I don't want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas."

"What do you call a whistleblower stuck in a blizzard? Snowd-en"