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Joke of the Day

"*feels comfortable* comfortable: *slaps hand away*"

"I'm really good at sex I ALWAYS come 1st."

"The ugly barnacle. Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end."

"What did the duck say when she bought some lipstick? Put it on my bill."

"I'm not saying I'm bilingual but Brad Pitt is hot. In other news, I might not know what bilingual means."

"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter. Mom's kind of a slut."

"Did you know you can order a taco at a Japanese restaurant? I hope you like octopus."

"So I asked my roommate why life was so hard... (NSFW Language) He responded, ""How else would it fuck you?"""

"I got the chance to watch a women's final for beach volleyball last night... What a semi!!"

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ""Oh sure, just because I'm a woman means I have to do everything around here. And let me tell you..."""