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Joke of the Day

"*feels comfortable* comfortable: *slaps hand away*"

"Job Interview : ""What is your great weakness?"" - Honesty - I don't think that honesty is a weakness - i don't give a shit what you think !"

"Remember when you thought if you accidentally swallowed apple seeds, a tree would grow in your belly? God I miss my 'Thirties'...."

"Today, my teacher stated that he used to work for NASA. He told that class that he became a teacher because it paid more."

"""Piece of cake"" should not mean ""Easy!"" It should mean ""Delicious!"""

"When somebody asks for directions I just say ""follow your heart"" and drive away."

"[LPT request] how to wake up from a bad dream. Wait. What do you mean he's really president?"

"Stop screaming! I thought you'd appreciate having someone to pass you a towel when you got out of the shower"

"What's the best thing a midget can catch? Air."

"If you don't tell your girlfriend she's beautiful everyday, 614 guys on Facebook who haven't had sex or even been on a date in 9 years will."