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Joke of the Day

"Where did the hipster drown? In the mainstream"

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"Two Snowmen are standing in a field. One snowman turns to the other snowman and says, ""Does it smell like carrots to you?"""
"My girlfriend told me she was retaining water and gaining weight... I told her not to sweat it."
"Roadside sign holders are secretly geniuses because they get paid to do something a pole does for nothing."
"Damn girl, are you sandpaper? Because I want you to rub my wood."
"On my birthday, my family tried to surprise me with a car But they missed."
"I married a chinese millionaire Ka Ching"
"The average Apple employee works 6 hours longer a day than an Apple battery."
"What do you call an aging actor who has finally paid off his house? Mortgage freeman."
"I've heard the best place to network for a job is at a fat camp You meet *tons* of people"