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Joke of the Day

"On my birthday, my family tried to surprise me with a car But they missed."

"What does a dead hooker and a flat beer have in common... No head."

"How did the dog make anti-freeze? He stole her blanket."

"[commercial for soup] NARRATOR: ever wanna drink a sandwich?"

"If I was a detective, my main suspect would always be the person who returns to the scene of the crime AND is eating a Klondike bar."

"What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam!"

"My 1 yr old only says the words ""no,"" ""mine,"" and ""bye"" and I tried it out and it turns out that's actually all you need."

"What does a tech geek say when they're taking a shit? ""Clearing my cache."""

"HALLOWEEN JOKE: Why don't witches ever have babies? Because warlocks have hollow weenies!"

"Why can't white Tumb1r girls divide or multiply by two? Because they can't even"