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Joke of the Day

"Squishing breasts an blasting them with radiation to cancer prevention is like... Sticking a Molotov cocktail up your butt and spraying sparks at it for prostate health."

"Farted on the bus, 4 people turned around, felt like i'm on ""The Voice"""

"My thoughts and prayers go out to all those with super busy key chains today. With dolls and shit on them, and fistfuls of keys and whatnot."

"Me *writing*: she was like 12 slices of key lime pie in a dress- tart, cool, totally whipped. Her: I can hear you. Me: she could hear me"

"My friend tells me she's sitting on the board of the local chapter of Rotory Club. I just hope they have good cushions.."

"Group Assignments Person: I have an Idea Me: So Did Hitler"

"Three statisticians are hunting when they see a rabbit. The first one shoots and misses him on the left. The second shoots and misses him on the right. The third one shouts, ""We've hit it!"""

"Why did the rock band get in serious treble? They failed on a consistent bassist."

"""Madame, I will have your finest package of gum, and money is no object."" how I impressed the hot cashier at the gas station just now"

"""My dog's learning to speak a foreign language."" ""Espanol?"" ""No, he's a labrador."""