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Joke of the Day

"Me *writing*: she was like 12 slices of key lime pie in a dress- tart, cool, totally whipped. Her: I can hear you. Me: she could hear me"

"In a dog eat dog world, the chocolate lab is the most delicious, yet poisonous of all breeds."

"There was a birthday party at the homeless shelter It also had a poor punch line."

"X-post from r/jokes: Mommy! I found a $10 bill today, but I threw it away, cus it was fake. ""Oh, how did you know it was fake?"" ""It had two zeroes instead of one."""

"There is a company called Kia and a company called Nokia. I'm not sure who to believe."

"Yo mamma so fat... When you download a picture of her at work, the IT department thinks they're under a DDoS attack."

"I worked at a restaurant It didn't pay much, but at least it put food on the table."

"Why do the Lannisters have such large beds? They put two twins together to make a king."

"The difference between 'butter' and 'i cant believe its not butter'... Is Marge-inal"

"My Obgyn suggested I cut carbs to maintain a healthier pregnancy weight. Frankly, I'd rather cut the Obgyn."