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Joke of the Day

"Me *writing*: she was like 12 slices of key lime pie in a dress- tart, cool, totally whipped. Her: I can hear you. Me: she could hear me"

"I once met a woman with wooden breast implants This joke would be funny with a punchline, wouldn't it?"

"What's the penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law."

"I went to a seafood disco i pulled a muscle"

"Our top story tonight... Generalisimo Francisco Franco is still dead..."

"What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by it's circumference? Pumpkin Pi. ( )"

"German Girlfriend My german girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10. Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done."

"What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two and now it's offensive to talk about."

"Think Casey Anthony will go into porn now, . . . Since she gets off so easy?"

"What do you tell a mathematician if he does drugs? You're high-on-pot...enuse. Thanks Key&Peele, I'll see myself out."